Of course, from my previous posts, you may have thought that I was Top Cat already. Unfortunately, it was not so. I was only the Acting Top Cat, since Felix, the True Top Cat, slept a lot and let me rule most of the time.
Recently, Felix has not been doing too well. Back at Christmastime we were having oh-so-much fun romping and playing together, but not so recently. But over the past few months all Top Cat Felix wanted to do was to eat, sleep, and poop. He even wasn't using the litter box! Naturally he wasn't feeling good. But I just couldn't understand it--why wouldn't Felix want to play with me now?? Well, the humans also saw Felix wasn't doing too good. Yesterday they put him in a cat crate and took him away, I think to the vet. When the humans came back, they did not bring Felix back with them. I heard the humans say something about how "he was a bag of bones and was freezing to death." Combine that with Felix pooping and peeing all over the house....I don't think Felix will be coming back.
Now. I have realized that the coveted position of Top Cat has come finally to me. I am starting to age in years, and with Felix finally out of the picture, I am now officially Top Cat. The problem is, the humans say I don't have anything to be Top over! Hmph. I will be Top over the humans! Cats rule! And just last night I have proved this fact. See, my humans have had Felix for almost 18 years, they say. Felix has outlasted like one, two, three....I think three or four cats. And of course there's me! One of the older family cats Felix knew when my humans adopted him was named Buffy. So the story goes, Buffy had some health problems, so my Mommy gave her pills in canned fish....or cat food, depending on your point of view! Well, of course Felix got fish too. Soon after Buffy went away forever, but Felix still wanted fish! So he got fish, just like he should. Well Felix got fish and then taught the other cats (Chester, Pretzel, and me) that we all got fish at bedtime. Like all good cats, we demanded fish! Well now that Felix is gone I continue the proud cat tradition. Last night I stayed with my Mommy till she gave me fish! (And she thought she was going to stop giving fish now that Felix was gone....she's a softy!)
So. I am now the proud and reigning Top Cat over the Entire House, and what do I hear the humans talk about yesterday?? It was the most hideous thing I've ever heard! I heard them talking about getting another cat! A kitten! I am Top Cat. Finally I have survived all of the other animals, and now I am the only one. And what to they do? They're trying to bring a young, foolish upstart into my kingdom and challenge the power structure of my domain! I am sure you can understand my feelings on such a crazy idea. They even think I'll eventually get along with that thing of a cat! Hmmmm. I hear I'm safe and unchallenged as a ruler for a few more weeks, but after that I don't know. I'm going to have to do some serious talking with my Mommy!
I even heard them reading on a website on how to introduce a new cat to an existing cat. To be frank, I'll tell you how: don't bring a new cat in!! They were using all sorts of crazy cat terms, such as "N-cat" for new cat, and "E-cat" for existing cat. What I'm gonna tell them is that I'm more than "E-cat"!! I'm "T-cat" for "Top Cat"!! And if they bring in any young, foolish whipper snapper I'm gonna give that youngster a T-byte! Also known as a gigantic bite from Top-Cat!
His Royal Highness, King Emperor of the Entire House, Pumpkin Pie the First
His Royal Highness, King Emperor of the Entire House, Pumpkin the First
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