As I'm sure you remember, we cats really rule the house. We can get away with just about anything we want to, especially if you have a loving human who really likes you, like I do.
The humans may think they get us felines for their enjoyment and pleasure. I, for one, am here to tell you that that is not true. While the human's pleasure may be a fringe benefit of keeping felines, that is not the main reason.
Cats are above all. The humans are merely our servants. Humans have cats, cats have servants. If there is any variation from our purr-fect life we rightfully express and demand immediate correction to this problem.
While other problems do occur, mainly we will complain about low food levels (anything under 90% full is terrible), low water levels (do the humans think we can survive without water??), our kitty box being not fastidiously clean (some things are just a plain must), our humans not home and petting us all the time (petting me is the most important thing of all!), or the fire not sufficiently warm enough. Of course, one of our favorite things to do is to complain when there is no reason whatsoever to complain! (shhhhh, don't tell that to the humans!)
Now that we have the basic, fundamental principles down, I shall tell you some of what has happened to me recently. Being the ruler of house, I retain and use the privilege of being wherever I want, at anytime. When I first picked my family out, they hated when I would get on the table or counter. First they would try to scare me off, with loud noises or with this little water squirt bottle. One human in particular had a devilish glee, greatly enjoying squirting me square in the face. Finally, my loving Mommy human who calls me "Keke" banned the use of squirt bottles. Go Mommy!
As I near a decade of life I grow wiser. For many years now no squirt bottles have been aimed in my direction. And usually my Mommy is just too lazy to get me off the table. So I have learned that I can get on the table whenever I want and stay there as long as I want. (see above picture.)
I love leaping on the table and then squinting at the human who loved to squirt me and say, "You can't catch me!" Like today, when my family came home and threw all their bags down on the table. I happily, rightfully got in the middle of things.
Now I shall tell you another story of cat superiority and authority which happened just over a week ago. One of my absolute favorite cat treat brands is called "Party Mix". They've even come up with a jingle that goes like: "Party Mix, Party Mix, get this cat some Party Mix!" I think it's a right fine jingle myself!
Well my Mommy had already given me some Party Mix this particular morning. By the humans "rules", I am only allowed one serving of Party Mix a day. Out the door with that! When the human who likes to squirt me came out I meowed, and meowed till I got some more Party Mix! Then when Mommy came out again I nagged her so much she gave me more Party Mix!
As I've said before, you just have to get in the "in" circle of the right people (or in my family, person), and you can do anything you want.
Well! I have spent way to long talking with you. I must hurry and go tell the human who likes to squirt me that he needs to go clean my cat box!
His Royal Highness,
King Emperor of the Entire House,
Pumpkin Pie the First
His Royal Highness,
King Emperor of the Entire House,
Pumpkin Pie the First
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